I cried watching the last episode of My盛Lady.

The first time I watched this, I laughed and aww-ed my way through it. After all, it's your typical HK rom-com. And with Dayo Wong (黄子華) and Kate Tsui (徐子珊) in the lead roles, well...hilarity is bound to ensue.

I suppose my heart was rather tender tonight. It's been teetering for a little bit now; something small could set off tears that usually don't come. Ever. I'm not exactly a fan of crying. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with it, I just...personally...don't...like it.

Especially with how often it's been happening lately with so many different things.

I could contribute this as PMS-ing, but I know that it's probably not why, so it would be useless to blame that anyway.

Wanderlust.

That word has been on my mind and digging deeper into my heart the past couple of months.

"Are all people like this?"
"Like what?"
"So much bigger on the inside."

As I walked the corridors of my heart, I kept finding more rooms, new rooms. Rooms that haven't had anyone in them  yet, rooms holding worlds just waiting to be discovered. Worlds that could be open as soon as I step onto a plane and step out someplace else. Someplace new.

I'm applying to grad school in London right after I put together my writing portfolio and right after my GRE exams. I thought about it a lot; I loved London when I went. New place, new city, so many different possibilities. I could build a life of my own. Even talked to my parents about it. My dad liked the idea. My mom...not so much. She would support me however she could, but she would just miss me a lot, that's all. It's my life in my hands, and my parents know that and they are willing to let me go. And that's okay. Everyone leaves home in the end.

Watching this drama also gave me so many glimpses of Hong Kong, the city that will always have my heart. I miss it. I miss it so much, and I would give so much to go back. I may just go back there after finishing grad school. Jobs are easier to find there too. I love everything about Hong Kong...maybe except for the fact that there isn't a Bojangles' anywhere and no southern sweet tea and definitely no countryside, but there are different things there too. Maybe it's time to crack open that old redwood door in my heart for good that's been opened and closed so fondly so often since I left.

Maybe I am running after all.

What was there to run from? Nothing here scares me. At least...not enough to make me run. Maybe I'm running from myself. Doors that were slammed shut, their noises now echoing into the empty caverns of my heart. Maybe I'm just scaring myself.

Tonight, watching the drama. I cried when Dayo pretended to lose his memory and Kate was at a complete loss. She was at their office, looking up at his picture on the wall and crying. I had to wonder...how much it hurt her to see him there, perfectly fine in the picture, but so far from it in reality. How much it hurt her to basically be a slave while Laura fed Dayo grapes on the couch though Dayo was the only one who knew it was all a big pretend. How much it hurt when Laura finally admitted to not loving Dayo and Dayo coming out to congratulate her.

How much Kate was hurting during Dayo's last speech in front of everyone in Mong Kok. How much his apology must have touched her and how she felt at that moment- forgiving him, saying yes when he asked her to marry him...

And then it suddenly hit me that my heart was tender tonight for one reason.

That reason was that when I was transferring all of my stuff from my old computer to my external hard drive, a door of faded oak was forcefully pried open. It took me a moment to not get lost in the dusty room and memories and objects, to find the right door- the one that goes back out to the corridor, not the one that goes out the back to the park- to slam it shut. But the damage was done.

Kate's got another name alongside her Chinese name in the show- which was funny, because there were only two characters in the show with English names. And of all the English names from the broad spectrum of the entire Germanic-Latin language...well.

During the entire last scene, instead of crying because I was touched by Dayo's speech, it was something else entirely.