I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about you, Jesus

===

This retreat was...not what I expected it to be. I actually expected a lot out of this retreat- partially because I felt spiritually dry, and I knew that I needed water to quench my thirst.
I was thirsting for LIVING water.

I went to the retreat, hoping to meet Him, to see Him face to face, and to talk to Him.

In a way, I did, although it wasn't how I thought it was going to be different. I thought it was going to be literal, in a way, like I met Him in HK.
It was different. WAY different.

So, first day. We got there late, and I looked at first session, which was Q&A. I thought it was a waste of time, so, guiltily, I skipped it with my cousin.

Not a good idea., as I found out later how awesome it was. I prayed then that I could be given a new start and go again.

That night, I heard the youth speaker for the first time. His name was Matt, and he was a real funny guy; he didn't drone or bore us (the youth) as he was speaking. He made the message seem so...natural to listen to. It was great, and I learned a lot from him talking about God.

But it wasn't so much the message that practically murdered me.

It was what he said in the beginning, after the worship, that really slapped me across the face, HARD.

"Why are you here?"

I want to meet God face to face.

"Are you ready for it? Are you listening? Are you saying, 'God, speak to me'?"

I stopped and thought for a moment. Yes. I was there to see God, to meet Him. But I realized something else as Matt continued with the message.

Maybe I was just going through religious motions without meaning. During worship, I tried really hard to mean what I was singing. I don't know how exactly how to describe my feelings then; it was a mixture of trying and just...going through what a good Christian would have done.

Matt also mentioned how God should be Lord of it ALL. I had heard that before, but it meant so much more when I heard it that night. So, I decided and said,

"Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." (1 Sam. 3:10)

So I listened. I listened as I heard God fulfill His promises, every last one- even if Caleb had to wait 45 years to see the fulfillment of the promise to him, if Abraham waited until he was 100 years old until Issac was born.

I listened as God told people to do things that didn't make sense on paper, like blowing down a fortress' walls just by marching around it and shouting, as a small boy went fought against a giant.

The thing all these stories had in common was faith. Coincidentally, one of my favorite passages in the Bible is Hebrews 11:1-31 - and the whole passage talks about faith. It was by faith that these things happened.

=

Day 2

I woke up early, and I went to one of the rooms the youth were in last night for small group, one of the small rooms with the piano. I started to journal when I got there, knowing I had a lot to write. Soon, I got sidetracked and started playing piano instead.

And then, it hit me.

What was I doing? I should be there to talk to God. I was never going to repair our relationship this way, if I kept on delaying and delaying. That need I felt in me to worship Him wasn't going anywhere if I didn't talk to Him first, and I knew it.

When I realized that, I knelt down and prayed. Just like that.

That, however, didn't mean that God came out to meet me immediately. No. There was still a screen separating us. It didn't bother me so much, but I knew it was there. I thought that over the day, God would make it better.

Matt's talk included how we as Christians need to be wise in faith as we follow God. That we need to wait on God. Did that mean even if I wanted to meet Him just like that, that I have to wait for Him? This was a question I had never considered before, at all.

That sessions' topic also included how God was different from other gods, other religions. Firstly and most basically, Christianity was a personal relationship with God. Other religions were a business transaction.

Wow. I had never thought of it in those terms. How true.

People suck up to their gods to have them bless their families or to bless them. They bring sacrifices and offerings in hope that they can be good enough. Some people even bring their own kids to burn as a sacrifice.

What of us? We don't need to offer anything to receive salvation. All we have to do is accept it. And this God is worthy of praise; that is why we praise Him, why we worship Him.

This worship song really touched me...it's called By This, We Know Love

God of all creation, Lord of Heaven's light
Descended into evil's darkest night
Infinitely holy, Your perfection knows no end
Selflessly You died my rightful death

By this we know love
That He laid down His life
God's very own Son
Came from Heaven to die

Suspended He hung
As He shed His own blood
What grace in His pardon
By this, we know love

Forsaken man of sorrows, hated by all men
You willingly surrendered for my sin
Scornfully derided, yet in silence stumbling on
Bearing wrath for all that I've done wrong

By this we know love
That He laid down His life
God's very own Son
Came from Heaven to die

Suspended He hung
As He shed His own blood
What grace in His pardon
By this, we know love

=

Now I've found
The greatest love of all
Is mine



These words are powerful to me. The GREATEST love of ALL is mine. Mine. The greatest love anyone could give and be given to is given to me. WOW.


Majesty, majesty
Forever I am changed by Your love
In the presence of Your Majesty

Your Majesty. That completely acknowledges God's rule over the universe.

=

Sunday night's message was the turning point of this retreat to me. The topic was 'Mt. Sinai vs. Mt. Zion: Moving from fear to freedom', which totally makes sense.

Mt. Sinai - doom, darkness, storm, fear, literal.
Mt. Zion - metaphor, freedom, Heavenly Jerusalem, angels in joyful assembly, God.

If you could choose, which one would you pick?

One of these mountains was old, it represented an old promise. One represented the new promise, the New Testament.

This was when things turned around. As I took notes in my handbook, I noticed that I had no longer called God 'God'. No.

I found myself writing 'Daddy' instead. In my head, a vision of me running like a child back into the arms of my father formed. This was where our relationship finally stared to be repaired.

-

I love being daddy's kid =)

=

Worshipping Him is an opportunity, not an obligation.

=

That didn't mean that every uncertainty was cleared up, though. I still felt a veil in my heart, something that just didn't seem to connect with God's heart. So afterwards, I pulled Matt aside to talk to him about it. He said that God wanted to meet me, too. That I'd be able to hear Him if I wait for Him and keep listening for His voice. Meeting God is different for everybody, but I would hear Him in the way He wants to speak to me. That helped, because something was relieved from my chest.

The talk made me realize that if I said I was listening to God, I wasn't listening close enough, because I completely missed it when He talked to me in a different way.

=

Monday morning. I learned the dreams can be a part of worshiping God, too.

This point really made me think- in what way can my dreams worship God? In what way can I honor Him with my dreams, of being a writer and a singer in the entertainment industry? Several answers pop up in my head, but I think that I'm still waiting for His answer to my future.

I told Matt about this, too. And guess when he covered this topic.

=

Monday afternoon.

He will make clear my path.
Daddy will tell me.

He gives me everything I need to make decisions.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have ben called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Daddy will provide.

===

=DDD YAY!

Labels: retreat