I give up on the 30 day thing...not keeping up with it enough x.x with school work, SATs, and college apps, this is killing me.

Why am I such a loser?

Lately, there's been a lot of problems...friends and their families, relationships, college, stress, frustrations...sister's operation on her eye tomorrow x.x please pray for her. And pray for the stress that seniors are going through...and college apps...and just to have faith in God.

I don't know if it's just me, but these past few days...I feel like...alone. Like...I'm being put off of everything. I know that I'm not so important that the world revolves around me, but I guess I kind of feel...forgotten? Ditched? Not worth it? I don't know. Left by myself, I guess...
I want to tell someone...even to people who I know care, when they ask...I'm not sure how to get the words out of my mouth or write them down. I want to tell them, and I know what they're going to say...but...I feel like a dried-up tap that no water's coming from. I can't get seem to tell anyone. Why is that?
Or sometimes, I just don't want to be annoying and be all, "OML NO ONE'S PAYING ATTENTION TO ME" because that's just...I mean, I would understand it if a friend said that to me in the proper tone, but imagining myself saying that just sounds...conceited and extremely prissy. Maybe I don't want to say anything to make anyone go, "Awww, no you're not~" out of sympathy. Or be a burden to them and make them think that I HAVE to talk to them like, every second of the day. I don't know x.x I'm just...hurting...

I've been so busy I feel like I've been neglecting God. And in a way, I'm dying because of that. I need to get back to Him...I'm trying, I'm trying.
Then, there's friends. I guess...people I talk to are like...they're in another stage of life now, I guess. It kinda feels like...there's a barrier, you know? Like...they're out experiencing and seeing stuff and I'm stuck back here, senior year of high school...like I'm missing out on their lives...like...they're moving on without me. Sometimes, I wonder if that will cause there to be a huge gap between us...that I'll miss out on so much of their lives that we can't ever come back together and fit like two puzzle pieces again. And then that brings the hurt, and sometimes, even the tears.

Is it normal of me to be missing them that much? I don't even see them that often...and I don't know what's going to happen. I just know that...whatever happens...I need to rely on God. That His grace will be enough for me...
It's just hard sometimes. But I WILL try.

Someone save me...