Someone tell me why I'm not going to sleep when I'm dead tired, completely not feeling like myself, and it's 12:34 AM.

4 days left until I take my last shot at the SATs and try my best to get into college. I barely even studied, and when I do, it's so hard to concentrate.
Tonight, I just...slacked...on everything. Came home from a terrible day...I had stomach cramps starting from about 9 and had to wait until 2:45 to get medicine. It hurt so bad by third period that my teacher sent me down to the main office at about 12:15ish. Stupid Panther Creek doesn't have a nurses' office and people aren't allowed to distribute pain medicine. What the heck? I went over to the attendance office because the main office people told me to, and she told me to call my mom or something...it hurt so much I was about to either throw up or cry. It hurt that bad. And I never cry because of something physically hurting.

Bleh...got home, napped for like...close to 3 hours x.x

I don't know what's wrong with me...it's either because my emotions right now are in complete overdrive mode because of my physical condition or something my mom said before bothers me even though I know it's not true. Leaving these thoughts unspoken are suffocating, but they're also dangerous and hurtful once they're out. I don't want that to happen. Just have to find the right person to tell it to, I guess...

Jealousy...self-pity and anger at that are all feelings that I've been experiencing. I'm jealous of other people for different things...self-pity...I guess I just kind of feel like...so many other people out there are so much better than me that I don't stand a chance against anything. It's so negative, I know...I just feel that way. Then I get frustrated and annoyed with myself by thinking these things. Why? What is this called?

Why does it feel like I'm a rat running around in a maze? It's like I'm going back and forth between stress and negativity to everything else. It's not that I'm not happy...it's just my thoughts and feelings are being affected by everything. Am I seriously that sensitive? That one little thing can just kill me and keep killing me over and over again?

Even in a sea of people, you can still feel all alone.

Someone tell me why I'm crying. I'm confused. I don't know what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling, or even why. There's this...hurting in my chest...literally. And after that sharp jab, it spreads, all the way up to my eyes and then the blood from the impact leaks out. Why?

I feel like I'm fighting some sort of internal battle. I'm losing it...I feel like I'm screaming for help but no one can hear me. And those who do just look and out of sympathy, they say, "It'll be okay." Before they leave and I'm still falling...

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You
Hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
and You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Guess I kinda feel better after thinking about that...blehhh. Stummy starting to hurt again.
...I just snapped at Peter...why did I do that...am I upset with him?
I think it's more of...just...jealousy...I want to be in college too...or maybe why is he telling me to sleep earlier...he's been sleeping later than I have been...he needs to take care of himself before taking care of me. Or maybe something else...like what happened last time is repeating itself...but I mean, it's not like I can expect him to be like...there 24/7...I don't know. I don't even know where this thought is going.

God, help me...I need You as my firm foundation, and I need someone with skin on to help me stand up...