Main point: you probably don't care about this (I don't even know why I bother writing this), but I just had a thought. A group of my friends dragged me to the creamery tonight to celebrate my birthday. Katie and Aurelia baked me a whole cake and I didn't even know about this. I guess...I was really, really down before they came along and cheered me up. It suddenly hit me that I had a group of friends who loved me and wanted me to have an amazing birthday even though the day before was completely crappy. They're more excited about my birthday than I am.

Then, I reflected back on my birthday last year because one of my friends brought it up tonight and I thought I'd just ramble to tell you thank you- for being there the best and worst years of my life, by far. Angelina's really pretty and she's funny and smart. I hope you're happy...

I'll be praying for you...Idk you're probably going to show this to like Jacob and Helen and honestly, I can't find it in me to fight and care anymore. Everyone's judging me about "not moving on" and with you and the youth at church and everything else...I'm so tired of drama and I'm so tired of fighting to stay alive. I told you before...I just want my friend back. But friendships and relationships don't work one-sided. Idk, it just doesn't register in my brain that I'm getting killed and stabbed and destroyed over and over and over again because you don't give crap about me. Like tonight, I was really hopeful that everything would be resolved just in time for my birthday...I'm such a little kid. 

I'll be there for you if you need me. You can't do anything about it; I still care about you- just not in that way...