"Moni, I'm sorry I keep texting you. You've been on my mind this past week or week and a half or whatever, and I keep wanting to talk to you. And after seeing you tonight, I was wishing you were laying here with me."

Fuck.

"It's fine. I don't mind talking to you...

Fuck.

 ...I don't know what to say, I don't know the right thing to say..."

"I don't either. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For all of this. The texting and being all sad and stuff. For bringing that up even though you probably want to just have a regular conversation. I'm sorry."

You freaking idiot, how the hell am I supposed to let you go?? There is nothing. Nothing. I want more right now than to hang out with you and pretend it all never happened. Nothing I want more than to hang out in the apartment and have a lazy night in, to wake up in the middle of the night just to snuggle closer and fall asleep again. Or the early morning, too lazy to get up so we just stay in bed and hang out for a while.

But Dawn and Jackson's words keep me going.

"Moni, if you flip now, you're going to have to go through this again later."

They're right...I'm fairly certain this had to happen, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

"It's fine. I know it's difficult. And I know it's probably not the best thing ever, but it's okay to be sad."

"Yeah but I just keep wishing things would go back. I just can't seem to get it out of my head."

Me neither. What do I do...? How am I supposed to stick this out?

"I know, I know...=\"

"I miss you. I never said that enough and now it's too late. Did you ever feel like I didn't care?"

"Don't do this to yourself. You're just going to be more upset."

"No. I want to know what I did wrong."

Fuck my life I have just a shred of sanity left please don't do this to me because I'm just going to run back and we'll have to do this all over again.