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o1. The name is Moni
o2. finalfantasyx.tumblr.com / equidistant-parallax.tumblr.com
o3. Currently 21
o4. Loves God, band, basketball, singing, dancing, writing
o5. Hates stuff
o6. I ♥ NCSU PowerSound =)
o7. Link me!
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Lily Grace
Today is blue-gray. The blue-gray like that of a rainy day with only tiny breaks in the clouds to let in some light in the early evening. The lights in the city are all on, though the sun had not fully set beneath the horizon. The air, hot and humid and heavy, clings to your skin like the embrace of a lover who had once been far away, and all of a sudden, you feel suspended in that muggy atmosphere. All of a sudden, you are part of that city, a limb which the quivering heart of the buildings and the people pump blood into to sustain, and an intruder, looking at it from the outside.
Can you hear its bones singing?
The earth is greedy as the rain is merciless, drinking up each drop that falls from the sky. Walls, the ground, the people, all drenched in the oxygen that keeps the city breathing.
There is no petrichor in a city such as this.
"crude obscenities: piece of shit words
of anger, revolution, change writ
steel-screechingly onto this curveless body touched
by fingers consent never given"
of anger, revolution, change writ
steel-screechingly onto this curveless body touched
by fingers consent never given"
You can feel each slash that makes its forever home on your arm, each stab at your heart. You can feel the places you have been cut, feel each heartbeat through the continuous flow of blood, seeping in rhythm out of the wounds. Yet the other part of you drags your soul from within to the outside where your body hangs, watching the city as an outsider. The rain is just; you have no share in the city, but it did not spare you.
I am not part of you, yet I share your pain.
What you must be going through. A thousand, a million, "I'm sorry"s could never bridge the gap between wholeness and heartbreak.
"and i was just wondering, why is everyone sorry...?"
"everyone is saying sorry because they see the circle you've drawn for him. it's on a gigantic window overlooking the city, somewhere high up where you can see the sunlight shining on the clouds."
"everyone is saying sorry because they see the circle you've drawn for him. it's on a gigantic window overlooking the city, somewhere high up where you can see the sunlight shining on the clouds."
The lovechild of Math and Emotion took form in the tears pouring from heaven, and the clarity of black and white keys, coming together to create gray, coming together to make blue-gray in the midst of sorrow, of homesickness, of hope. Each sound is a blessing, a prayer that echoes into the furthers reaches of sound into its sister, silence.
My heart is grieving for yours. You may not hear the sounds hundreds of miles away, but there is One who receives each note and gives them form, order, meaning. The will of the child of Math and Emotion bend to its Maker, who gives Music on a blue-gray staff purpose.
---
To Michael and Jamie-
You may never read this, but this piece is for you and Lily Grace. It was beautiful that you named her after Matthew 6:28, and through the constant posts on Facebook, it was an honor to have seen your family grow. The very heart that you have in holding onto Christ is encouraging, and even through your dark time, you give light to others. There are so many other people out there you don't know who are praying for you. Today...I went through my worship binder for piano practice, and I picked out a few songs I wanted to play, but each note turned into a prayer for you, for Lily. You can't hear it, but I know that God did, and pray that he turns this small thing I can do into something for you. As Jesus walked on water, he commanded, "Have faith!" In Greek, he said, "ego," which means, "I AM."
"I AM. Don't be afraid."
