It really amazes me, sometimes, how big, yet constricting, the human heart is. Sometimes, it feels as if your heart is so full it's about to burst. Sometimes, it feels so small that all you want to do is curl up in some blankets to nurture that small flame, protecting it from the wind that could blow it out any second. There are days where your heart is too big, or where it's too small.

Here is one of many letters I want to write to those who are always welcome into my heart-home, those whom I have not seen or spoken to in a while.

Sam Lewis

Dear Sam,

I think I'm starting off with you because while this topic has been on my mind for a while now, it wasn't until I got your text about SquareEnix and its gamer position this morning that I really bit into this thought, the nagging feeling inside of me that tells me my heart misses the people who were in my life in a huge way, but haven't seen...or talked to...in a while (yay run-on sentences! English major can English).

I don't think I've ever thanked you for being there for me. I can't be more grateful for the fact that you were one of my first friends in band, and that you were always there...in your own way, I suppose. You weren't exactly super talkative, but you weren't closed off either. Your friendship really got me through freshman and sophomore years, those times where we hung out all the time with our little group, whether it was homework meet-ups in the afternoon, dinner after band, or creamery runs at night from West Campus. Or the time where you brought Chain of Memories and KH2 over to Elora and my room and we gamed the whole afternoon with Aurelia.

You never judged me when I told you all the things that happened sophomore year, when I came crying to you because of the consequences of some of the decisions I made. When I felt sad, you sent me pictures of cute puppies the entire class. When I called you, crying my eyes out one night running from the Varsity lot, the first thing you said was, "do you need me to pick you up?" And then told me to go to your dorm to hang out with your suite mates and watch football. You never brought up what was wrong, only did what you could to get my mind off of it and make me feel better. When I told you I hadn't really eaten anything in three days because depression was hitting me so hard, you dragged me out of Price to have dinner with y'all in Talley.

To be honest, I'm a little worried about you. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you found your significant other in a world where some people don't. I'm just...worried because of all the changes that have happened the past few years. Maybe I just haven't seen Chloe in a long time, but what happened in Spain left an impression on me. At the same time, it's not my relationship, so I can only hope for the best for both of you.

Thank you, Sam. Thank you for being real, for being one of the greatest friends anyone can have. Granted, you had your moments, but they were few and far in between. I can only hope for the best for you in the future, working in Salisbury, getting married to Chloe, or wherever the future may take you. Thank you for being a true friend to me the past four years.