It's kinda sad considering it's the end of May and I've only blogged like twice this entire year. I really held back on a lot because I've been waiting for that layout from Chazzie unnie = = but I guess...screw that lol. But it's going to be beautiful when I get it, I'm sure =) Chazzie unnie always does an amazing job with my layout =)

Sigh. So...tonight is bball night. Idk. Just...for so long, I've always felt like...I'm just not good enough. Basketball is the love of my life (other than the obvious God and family), and it's just something that I LOVE to do. But my competitive spirit really ruins it. All the time, my hunger for competition flares whenever a certain someone is around or playing against me. Why is that? Is it because I want to prove something? Because I want to prove that I'm not just a girl, not useless, that I have a place somewhere? That he doesn't walk all over me?
But then something happens. He makes all his shots and I miss all of mine. I make a stupid mistake. I make a bad pass, hesitate driving in and screwing up my layup. And then I just feel so...much like a failure. I feel like he looks down on me. I feel like everyone does, but for some stupid reason, his disapproval means the most. I remember Christy Nockels teaching us about only needing God's approval at LIFT. But it's just hard to remember that, you know? It just doesn't feel that way =\ on that note, I really need food. Spiritual food. I'm slacking on blogging or even reading a chapter in my Bible. Need to pick that up again. I need to grow, and just missing a day makes me feel terrible like I'm lacking something. Lord, help me.

Another caveat about this certain...person. I feel weak. Vulnerable. It's almost pitiful. And it takes so much out of me. I lack the strength to completely walk away. And it still kills me. Why. Lord, this is a problem for me. I need help. Please help me. One of the most inspiring songs right now on my playlist would be Christy Nockels' You Revive Me. It just...reminds me that God breathes life into me, every day. And He will save me. I love that song so much. Think I'll cover that one day...

[music: Prince of Egypt soundtrack, track 15 - Red Sea]

Prayer list...
-My family and the future
-My aunt's family
-Grace and her family
-Aurelia and her family
-Ally and her family/Ally and Michael
-Peter and his growth, especially spiritual
-Jerrod/Abby
-Tim/Tina
-Andy/Maria
-Ken/Mary
-Mr. Gibson and his family
-My aunt and her heart problems
-Dawn
-Jo
-Ian
-Sam
-Everyone's safety over summer
-YG/AO/RCCC
-Wisdom, patience, discernment, love, compassion, and a continuous thirst for God.