I hate crying. Period. I hate crying because of this even more.

And I know it would annoy you immensely if you knew that it still kills me. That it could still easily make me cry like that in the blink of an eye. I feel like wounds scab but then invisible hands come and tear them open again, and blood just free-flows from there. And it hurts. It just makes me want to leave that much more. I don't know how much longer raw strength will last. God helps me through this but it still hurts. It still kills me, rips my very core open every single time. To close my eyes and see all your different faces- your smiles, you laughs, your tears, your anger- and finally, your uncaring coldness- a billion shards of glass just shoots straight into me. Words can't even...