I'm scared.

I'm so, so, so scared.

There are so many emotions vying for my attention. I feel so much anger. I'm scared at how angry I am, and I feel hurt. More than I thought I would. But at the same time, I feel so relieved, and that and how exhausted I am from lack of sleep and so much activity are the only things keeping me from crying and throwing things.

Last night, I wished that a certain someone could have been there to hang out and have fun with us. He was supposed to come, but he couldn't...sigh.
Today though...at the fair (again), memories kept resurfacing, and I have no idea why. It wasn't like I purposely thought about them. I tried to ignore them, but every time I walked somewhere something seemed to call out to me. Like...come on, I didn't sign up for this. I said I was over it, and I meant it. But...seeing all the pictures, I didn't even have to look through them, just the thumbnails of updated albums...it made me hurt and angry...and relieved, so unbelievably relieved that I didn't run into ANY of them today. SO relieved.

It's not like I'm not annoyed or angry enough already with both of them. But if I saw them in person, I think my fight or flight system would crash like a train wreck and I would have no idea whether to stand or run because I'd be tempted to either be cool and ignore both them or run up to them and full-on hit him.

Whatever. "There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning."

So...forget you. I don't have time for this. What happens is your deal with God.