Wow, 2013 really just flew by without me noticing.

If I had to pick one word to describe this past year, it would be...busy. I remember being busy early on last year, and I quote myself (because Shane brought it up the other day)- "I don't have time for a boyfriend right now" just to emphasize how busy I was. I was busy with my studies and with my homework and everything I needed and wanted to do. The spring semester flew by in a blur with 17 credit hours; lots of teaching, lots of observing, lots of chemistry and Shakespeare and physics (hey, astronomy counts!). It also flew by in terms of people. So many things have happened. Elora and I got to know each other so much better rooming together. Hung out even more with Taylor and with other awesome people.

Then there were the choices I made. Choices I regret, choices I should have made differently and choices I'm glad I made. Spring semester...yeah, it just flew by. Then summer came, and it was the hardest, most drastic and dramatic summer of my life. It was ridiculous. Summer is my favorite season, but this past one just took such a heavy toll on me. I broke so many promises and cried so many tears. There were so many scars on my arm, enough to make up for the past two years. I have never spent a summer feeling so cold and alone. My parents yelled at me a lot because my head just wasn't in whatever I was doing. So when school finally started, I poured everything I had into school.

School was my saving grace. Thank God I have the opportunity to go to school. Band camp started, and while walking into the band room every day knowing what I was going to see was suicide and pure torture, band gave me something routinely to do. It took my mind off many things when I had to focus on my marching and playing, and I had so many people who loved me and cared for me around me. They took my mind off of everything, and once again, band saved my life. Fall semester started, and honestly, it didn't go by quite as quickly as last fall semester did. I was taking fiction writing and Chinese and some other pretty awesome classes, but it was like WOOSH and then it was over.

I started craving studying because that would mean I would be distracted for a while. I wouldn't have to think, I wouldn't have to feel, and I wouldn't have to care. I had cried way too many tears and spent too many nights staying up and watching a drama and crying because something in there happened that related to my life. My birthday this year was super quiet because it was at the beginning of the school year, and I just wasn't in a good mood that day. I walked back by myself from Centennial campus because I just didn't want to eat dinner with whatshisface and the other people there. Then a two-hour conversation with him about everything...I remember thinking, "this is probably the fourth time we've made up...wonder how long it's going to last this time."

And then there was Michael. For the first time in two years, Michael made me feel my heart beat because someone touched it in a genuine way. I really liked him, but y'know, God had something else in mind for me, and that didn't work out.

I was bummed for a bit, but not for too long...the friend I've been talking to since early September managed to take the broken pieces of me and slowly piece them back together. He is the absolute best to me, and I am so grateful to have him, even if it scares me. It scares me because I am so afraid of hurting him. I have wounds that are so fresh and so raw that even if he doesn't ask about my past, it still threatens to destroy everything now. I am so scared because I'm so used to...him. I'm used to the way we understand each other, the way we do things, and the way we could communicate telepathically. And I know it's not fair comparing an almost two-year relationship with one that's barely two months long, but still. It's scary because I have no idea what I'm doing. All of this is new to me, and now I have extra baggage because I now have a past and a sphere of reference (albeit not a very good one). But Josh has been nothing but amazing to me. I guess we'll have 2014 to see where we'll go from here =]

I feel like I've grown a lot too in Christ...not as much as I did the year before, but it's a whole new learning experience with different people in different situations. I learned more about leading worship and about the very heart of it. I learned more about stilling my heart and seeing God in everything around me. I learned more about love and about maturity and the people around me. I've developed amazing relationships with my family and those around me because I had time to reflect on maturity and all of these things. That is why this year, my "theme" or resolution is to get to know God more. Not more about Him, but more of Him. To be able to hear His heart and His will, and then have the faith and courage to do it.

Spain in T minus 9ish hours. 2014 is off with a bang.