Meow. I AM SO HAPPY.

I printed off 'River Flows In You' for my Creative Writing teacher to critique, and I told her to listen to it while she read over it when she was done...she was like...

"Okay, Madi. A, I'm going to cry. B, that was beautiful."

I AM SO HAPPY =D I PRACTICALLY MADE MY TEACHER CRY. BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!! =D

Anyway. I found out something veeeeery interesting today.

There's a guy who sits behind me in algebra- pretty nice guy, cool, fun to hang with. But. I found out something by talking to him today.

He has a heart condition, and he grew up in Detroit, most dangerous city in the USA. He grew up in the ghetto places- which means that he drinks and takes drugs.

He told me that he was going to a party tonight, even though his heart condition acted up in algebra today > < He told me that he was taking drugs and everything, how you should enjoy life because there was no meaning to it, no point.

As I listened to him, I began to feel depressed.

Not just that, but he told me things as well...how he takes hallucinations, which make no difference, because he sees things anyway. He said that he sees things that weren't there- when he was little, he used to see people who were supposedly dead, talking to him. He sees men with paper bags over their heads, holding a chainsaw. He said he could hear the chainsaw, could hear the man.

He said that whenever he dreamed, he would open his eyes and whatever was in his dream would be there for a whole minute before they disappeared. He told me that he hears voices inside of his head, telling him just how much of a failure he was, telling him how useless he was and how there was no point to life.

Thank God he didn't listen to them. But he hears them. I prayed for him, but I don't know how much good I can do if I can't really really really really really get in touch with God soon. I felt so small against something that I knew was real that was going on, when I faced what Satan had done in his life. And I just felt so depressed. Somehow, it scares me as well, to finally come to terms that it was so real. I know I shouldn't be scared. I have no reason to be scared. And just watch me; I'm no going to be.

He's going to the party tonight. > <> < Meow.

I need to learn more, to get more in touch with God, and to have more faith.

Hebrews 11:1-31

Labels: Creative Writing, God, River Flows In You

[Imported from my livejournal]


Second day of school, the person who sat in front of me in my Creative Writing class was talking about a website full of comics that bashed just about everyone. Then, he said, "You should have seen the one with Jesus. It was epic!"

I was so mad.

I don't know how to explain it- I was just burning inside.

Recently, my relationship with God hasn't been very good. I've been doing things I shouldn't, been swearing and all those other things. I barely spend any time with Him, and all I care about is the computer, Korean artists, or my dancing.

I realize that I've never really made any time for Him.

My online friend, a Christian- she just got back from a church retreat. She told me about how her questions were answered, how her worries were lessened, and how she became a changed person after that experience. As I read about the things she mentioned, about how Jesus was murdered for us- murdered. He didn't just die. He was murdered. About how his beloved children were mocking him as he was carrying his cross.

Then she wrote about how a woman prayed for her. A woman who God spoke through; she spoke in tongues, and in her prayers with my friend, she addressed the things that she had never told anyone before.
She wrote about how she felt like a changed person. She wrote about the changes that took place inside of her, about her closer relationship with God.

I was jealous.

There wasn't anyone here who are supports as such. God didn't and doesn't talk to me in that way. I wanted to feel like someone changed, too.

I almost started to cry.

I realized that I haven't been spending time with God at all- sure, I prayed at night. But I didn't take time to spend with Him, to meditate on His word. I was doing things that He doesn't like, and yet, I still say that I struggle to be a better Christian. I haven't been basing my life around Him, and He's telling me that through something my friend experienced with Him.

With Him.

It's a slap on the face.

My friend; she said that she no longer worried about the singing career she had wanted for so long. She no longer worried about her obsessions with some band in Korea.

I want to be the same. I want to give my life up to God and let Him take control of who I'm going to be, to let Him guide me instead of following my own instincts, to spend time with Him every day. I want to not be so obsessed with my singer dream and I want to know what He wants me to be instead. I don't want to listen to myself answer my own questions anymore. I want to listen to His answers.

Labels: God